ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
