Whod you bang
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
