Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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