and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
