My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
