neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
