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Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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