So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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