There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
