I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
