He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
