This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
