oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
