His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just gift wrapped bread.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
