I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
