need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
