Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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