So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
