i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Mom said you looked used
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize