Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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