just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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