i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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