I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
