That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
