Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
