bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
