About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
