My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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