Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
