i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
