just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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