i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
