I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
