My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
