Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
