burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
