I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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