i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
