addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
