Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
