Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
