he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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