Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
