Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize