So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
