I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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