# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
