i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
