apparently the secret to your success is patron
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
