Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
