Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
