i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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