You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I forget how to act sober
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
