Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize