everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize