I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
