i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
