i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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