Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
