meet me or not, i'm out of control
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
