i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
