im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
