So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
