if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
