you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
