Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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