eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
