okay pat passed out under dana's car
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
