I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
