I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
