Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
