omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize