Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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