I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
