i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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