you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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