get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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