Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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