Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
