Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
