your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
