your parents love me but you hate me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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