the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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