what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
