Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
