As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
