i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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