Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
