I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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