did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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