You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Your cock deserves a montage
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
