It's Friday. Sex?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
