how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The feeling are messing with the penis
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
