Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
