I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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