I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
