I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize